Today had a different feel to it. I felt myself doing my usual routine but in slow motion. I felt I was outside of my own body watching how I normally would go about conducting a typical Monday. The rest of the Heritage Dental Hygiene team had finished up early today and went home to indulge the long anticipated beautiful weather. I encouraged myself to stay behind and delay the gratification of enjoying an early afternoon. I proceeded to meticulously complete the days chart entries and disinfect the dental units. The office was still, perfectly quiet and I was able to accomplish every little task that occurred to me even the unnecessary ones. I packed my briefcase to travel home and found myself just sitting in my quiet little office reflecting on all the rewarding efforts it took to accomplish an independent dental hygiene practice.
I walked into my home around 6:30pm with my cell phone ringing, without taking off my jacket I heard myself say “hello”. I looked up to see my husbands eyes and the voice said Amie “it’s the Doctor are you sitting down”? I plunged into my purse and took out a notebook and pen, I began to breath heavy and replied “yes”. I heard “ Amie I don’t want to have to give you this news, I thought the biopsy would come back fine”. I wrote down breast cancer on my notepad. I saw my husband Paul briskly glance at the notepad and leave the room, I heard my mother’s light gasp. The fear that set across all our faces sent tears and deep breathing into motion, such that I had never experienced before. I am 36 years old and I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.
The Doctor who delivered the news was compassionate, patient and carefully spoke well. We had a thirty minute conversation with the recommended advice to take the evening to process the news and that we would need to meet for an appointment to discuss my options once I had some time to reflect on this news. I recall thanking her for giving me the news over the phone so I could take some time to process what I had been told. Paul proceeded into action mode making some necessary phone calls to my family and our friends. Three of our closest friends were invited over to help support us with positive thoughts and kleenex. As the house hustled around me I could not escape the sinking thoughts that included how bad is this?, why me?, and am I going to be able to handle everything this throws at me?
With the support of close family and friends I am about to begin a “one day at a time” journey to cure my breast cancer.